


Rehearsal Breakdown

by Kellystar321



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: 2 of my 3 works have been tagged bittersweet, ANGST SANDWICH BASICALLY, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst/fluff/Angst, Bittersweet, M/M, like that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 23:11:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7733473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kellystar321/pseuds/Kellystar321
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically 1/3 vent story, 1/3 supposedly happy ending, and 1/3 more angst. Perfect recipe for an angst sandwich.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We projected 80% of our problems onto founding fathers

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Stars, Hide Your Fires](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6003901) by [Caledfwlch (orphan_account)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Caledfwlch). 



> Wrote this last night, as a vent story. If it doesn't make much sense, I'm sorry. Also, this chapter's title is from a Hamilton fanfic named Stars, Hide Your Fires. It's by Caledfwlch and The_Onion_Wanton, which you should read. It doesn't really have to do with their story, though. Enjoy <3

"I'm so scared..." Alex whispers, tears streaming down his face, emotions showing the vulnerability of a child. "I'm so, so scared."

"If I don't do this, what's going to happen? Why can't I do this?! What's wrong with me?!" Alex shouts with the passion that he always had, screaming with raw emotion, voice cracking on the last sentence as he sobbed with panic and hurt.

The world was rough and choppy, like the sea back on Nevis, and Alex breathed shallowly as his storm raged on around him, both in his head and out. He cried, clenching his fingers into a fist, nails stabbing into his palms.

"PLEASE!" Alex screamed his throat raw, pleading for something, even he didn't know what. "I need a miracle, or someone to just please, PLEASE understand! I need someone to understand, please! I'm scared, I'm so scared."

He gasped for breath is short bursts in between his crying, his cries for help, "No one understands! They can't understand if even I can't understand!"

He shouts, ever-louder in the sea of wind, "I HATE THIS ! I HATE EVERYONE! I HATE EVERYTHING!" The raging words come in short and rapid succession. In between his bursts and outcries, he forces gasps from his sob-ridden body. He screams his heart and pain and salty tears away, loud in a raspy voice, wishing someone, anyone wound hear his words, and would come to comfort him, and tell him everything would be alright, and be able to make it so.

He takes a breath, and looks down at his hands, giving a haunted whisper, "I hate myself..."


	2. And they turn it into a play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to make a happier part to this, since I know I won't get a happy ending. Enjoy <3

Alexander took another breath, still looking down at his hands. He remains in position until someone, sounding suspiciously like Hercules, wolf whistles. The rest of the cast applaud and whoop.

Alex looks up as the stage lights come back on with a resounding click. He feels successful and proud of his little solo part of the play. He wipes the remainder of the tears away, reminding himself to not put as many eye drops in next time.

He drops the staged emotion, laughing and bowing to his fellow actors, clapping in the seats, "Aw, thanks guys!"

He skips the stage steps entirely and hops off the stage, landing with a dull thud. The stage crew takes his place on stage, moving props and adjusting little things here and there.

Lafayette got to him first, rushing up to him from his seat, "Oh, mon ami, that was wonderful! Our opening night is going to be a smashing success!"

"You did good, Alex!" Hercules said cheerfully in passing, as he moved a prop across the stage.

Alex thanked them enthusiastically and was about to turn and look for John, when suddenly the person in question launched himself into a full scale tackle hug. Alex stumbled, but managed to stay upright as John animatedly spoke, "See, I told you! You did amazing, Alex! And you thought the tears would be 'too overdramatic.'" John made quotation marks with his fingers, his arms still around Alex's neck as a hug.

"Alexander, you should know there's no 'too overdramatic' in theater!" Laf exclaimed, doing the little quotation marks as well with a laugh.

"They were just what the scene needed, too!" John punctuated his sentence with a kiss to his cheek, which Alex turned into a real kiss when he turned his head.

Laf laughed again, "Get a room, lovebirds."

Alex and John broke apart with a laugh, and Alex grinned. He was happy for these moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want a happy ending, stop here. <3


	3. Which we are not permitted to watch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last part. Shorter and sadder, to bring it back to my reality. Enjoy <3

The rehearsal went on as usual, and before long they were free to leave. John, Laf, and Herc stayed behind to help clean up, as did many other cast and crew members. Alex mustered a weary smile, and made the vague excuse of having work to do. So, with a kiss to John, and a wave to his friends, he left.

As he exited the theater, he felt the forced smile fade from his face. He sighed sadly. As soon as nobody was watching, he could feel himself slipping back into depression.

And he was scared. And nobody would understand. So, he just replaced his frown back with a smile, and went on.

Hey, he had to get his acting experience from somewhere, right?


End file.
